THE UNKINDEST CUT_SMILE

I don’t know about you, but I think O. J. got screwed. Double jeopardy is just plain wrong. Civil trial, my ass! It’s not fair. O. J. beat the system and he should be allowed to enjoy it. Geraldo and Charles Grodin don’t like O. J. Simpson. Geraldo and Charles Grodin deal in certitude. Guys like that almost always impress me. I’m really glad O. J. beat the rap. Personally, I’d like to see him on TV again, doin’ commercials. There must be something he could do. Roach Motel. “They checks in, but they don’t checks out.” It would be fun. We need more fun. People get upset with all the wrong things. Like these guys Jeffrey Dahmer and Timothy McVeigh. Right away everybody wants to kill them. Let me tell you, you don’t kill guys like that. That’s exactly what they want. You know what you do? You let them off with a warning. Just like a speeding ticket. Sometimes all a guy like that needs is a good talking-to. You sit him down, and you say, “Listen. Jeff. Nobody thinks you’re funny. Okay? No one is amused. So calm down and knock off the shit. Stop trying to draw attention to yourself. You eat one more person, and you’re in big trouble.”

A lot of these guys never hear that sort of thing. I think it would make them think twice before they cooked another person’s head and ate it. Don’t you? Now, as to Timothy McVeigh, you’ve got a slightly different situation. After all, the guy’s a veteran, so you have to show him a little consideration. And don’t forget, it’s his first offense. So I say let him off with a warning. Throw a good scare into him: “Tim, one more trick like that, and it’s gonna mean a hefty fine.”

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Camcorders are a good example of technology gone berserk. Everywhere you go now, you see some goofy fuck with a camcorder. Everyone’s taping everything. Doesn’t anybody stop and look at things anymore? Take them in? Maybe even…remember them? Is that such a strange idea? Does experience really have to be documented, brought home and saved on a shelf? And do people really watch this shit? Are their lives so bankrupt they sit at home watching things they already did? These guys are so intense. And by the way, it’s always guys. They won’t let women touch the cameras; it’s a highly technical skill. Look through a hole, push on a button. Big fuckin’ skill. And they all think they’re Federico Fellini. Did you ever see them at the soccer games? With the low angles and all the zooms and pans? And it’s the same three ugly children in every shot. Same kids. Believe me, all the George Lucas magic in Hollywood is not going to change the unfortunate genetic configurations on the faces of these children. Do the world a favor, keep these unfortunate youngsters indoors, out of public view.