LEAVE MY CHOCOLATE ALONE

I don’t understand why a chocolate dessert should include raspberries or strawberries. Intrusions of that type spoil the dessert. Leave the chocolate alone; it was doing fine by itself.

I mean, here I am, innocently sitting at my table, waiting for a nice chocolate thing with lots of whipped cream and chocolate sauce to arrive, and I find that some asshole in the kitchen has decided to show off by throwing a bunch of strawberries around. Chef’s ego! Strawberries belong in strawberry shortcake, not in chocolate desserts.

I wouldn’t want a bunch of chocolate in my strawberry shortcake, would you? No. Ergo, I don’t want strawberries hangin around my chocolate cake.

Chocolate cake is called chocolate cake for a reasonit’s chocolate. Leave it alone. Put the strawberries in a nice sherbet if you must. Or put em in a bowl by themselves, over there near the raspberries. But please don’t spoil my chocolate.

Hey, chef! You want to exercise your ego? Weave the berries into fabric and make a strawberry chef’s hat. Be as creative as you want, but stop fucking with my chocolate.

P.S.People who dip sweetly tart stawberries into liquified chocolate, wait for it to cool, and then eat the whole thing ought to be placed in mental institutions. What you should do is this: Drink the chocolate before it cools, then put the strawberries on your kids’ cereal.

And while we’re at it folks, nuts have no business in ice cream. Ice cream should be creamy. Nuts interrupt the creamy idea. Chunks of nuts don’t belong in ice cream. Put ‘em in a little bowl by themselves; put ‘em in a candy bar; stick ‘em up your nose for all I care, but leave my ice cream alone. And, in general, please folks, stop fucking with my desserts!