George Carlin Suggesting On Fight Against Terrorism..

So here's what I’m thinking folks, by now, everybody’s supposed to know that when it comes to survival. Staying alive, that you know, you have to be, you can’t be too picky and choosy about the company you’re going to keep. Sometimes you have to cooperate with some kind of unsavory people, people you don't like, people you don't trust, people you don't respect, the kind of people you might not even invite into your own home. So for that reason. Tonight I'm announcing my intention to cooperate with the United States government. I’m even thinking of lending my support to Governor Bush. Good old Governor Bush. I’m hoping he does a good job. If he does, may we might think of electing him President in 2004, okay? Now. The reason for my decision is a fairly simple one, I mentioned it already, survival, okay. And in order to learn that, Mother Nature, yeah. Always took my cue from nature. I realized some time ago that I'm not separate from nature just because I have a primate brain, an upper brain. Because underneath the primate brain there’s a mammalian brain. And beneath the mammalian brain there’s a reptilian brain. And it's those two lower brains that made the upper brain possible in the first place. Here’s the way it works. The primate brain says, give peace a chance. The mammalian brain says, give peace a chance, but first let's kill this motherfucker. And the reptilian brains says, let’s just kill the motherfucker. Go to the peace rally and get laid. Because the first obligation, the first obligation of any organism is to survive. The second is to reproduce. Survival is more important than fucking. Pacifism is a nice idea. But it can get you killed. We’re not there yet folks, evolution is slow. Smallpox is fast. Now, the government has asked all of us to come up with suggestions and ideas that we might have to help them to fight terrorism. That will give you an idea of how much shit they have on the shelf. And like any good citizen, I’m ready with my suggestions. Now. First of all. Overseas in Afghanistan, I think you have to use the most powerful weapon you have, in this case. Chemical warfare of a type never used before. And I'm talking about the flatulent airborne reaction team F-A-R-T. Fart. Here's what you do, you take thousands of overweight male NFL football fans. Thousands of them. We’re going to start with a nucleus of Giants fans and Jets fans. Got to start with that nucleus. Now, it might be necessary to include some Bills fans and Eagles fans, too. This is war. You can't be choosy. And I'm also thinking about getting some of those big fat cocksuckers who root for the teams in the NFC Central. Chicago Bears fans, Green Bay Packer fans, guys who eat a lot of bratwurst. And all these guys have to be over 200 pounds. What you do is for 30 days you put them on a diet of nothing but cheese, cabbage and beer. That’s all they get for 30 days. For many of these men, this will not be a new diet. You fill them up with cheese and cabbage and beer and you drop them into Afghanistan where they commence chemical warfare of the highest order. You send three-man fart squads into every cave and tunnel in Afghanistan, just send them in there. And then ya, smoke them out. These good citizens will release horrendous, deadly farts, the kind of fart that could kill cancer. The kind of fart that comes in handy if you have something that needs welding. The kind of fart that if you let one go at home,30 minutes later your plants are all yellow. The kind of fart that after two or three days you begin to realize there are no more birds in your neighborhood. A fart that would eat the stitching out of Levis. Can I get away with one more fart joke here? The kind of fart whereby the Centers for Disease Control declares your pants’ level 5 biohazard. That takes care of overseas.