George Carlin is tired of guys who smoke pipes.

I’m gettin’ tired of guys who smoke pipes. When are they & gonna outlaw this shit? Guy with a fuckin’ pipe! It’s an arrogant thing to place a burning barrier between you and the rest of the world. It’s supposed to imply thoughtfulness or intelligence. It’s not intelligent to stand around with a controlled 0 fire sticking out of your mouth. I say, “Hey, professor! You want somethin’ hot to suck on? Call me! I’ll give ya somethin’ \ to put in your mouth!” I think these pipe-smokers oughta just move to the next level and go ahead and suck a dick. There’s nothing wrong with suckin’ dicks. Men do it, women do it; can’t be all bad if everybody’s doin’ it. I say, Drop the pipe, and go to the dick! That’s my advice. I’m here to help. 0 I’m also sick of car alarms. Not the screeching and beep- ing; that doesn’t bother me. It’s just the idea of a car alarm that I find offensive. Especially the ones that talk to you: “Move away! Move away!” “Ohhhh? Really!” That’s when I reach for my sharpest key. And I put a deep gouge in that . paint job, all the way ’round the car. Three hundred and sixty degrees. I might even make two trips around, if I don’t have a luncheon appointment that day. And then I walk away slowly, unconcerned about the screeching and beeping, because I know that no one takes car alarms seriously. Car fy alarms are a Yuppie-boomer conceit, and they’re responsible for most of the carjacking that’s going on. Car alarms and The Club have have made it harder for thieves to steal parked cars, and so instead they’re stealing cars with people in them, and people are dying. And it’s all because these selfish, k boomer degenerates can’t stand to part with their personal property. Fuck boomers, and fuck their pussified car alarms! 6 I’m also sick of having to look at bearded guys who . don’t know how to trim the lower edges of their beards, where they extend back toward the neck. They trim too far up toward the chin, leaving a glaring, fleshy strip where u there ought to be hair. Guys, you need to let the beard extend far enough back under your chin, so it reaches the point where your neck begins. Then, from the fold or angle that forms between your jaw and neck, you shave downward. If you don’t have that fold; if you have a fat, fleshy pouch under your jaw with no definition, you shouldn’t be trimming your beard at all. You should let it grow long and bushy, so it covers that goofy-looking pouch. And I’ve just about had it with all these geeky fucks who walk around listening to Walkmans. What are these jack-offs » telling us? They’re too good to participate in daily life? They’re sealing themselves off? Big fuckin’ loss. And what is it they’re listening to that’s so compelling? I think a person has to be fairly uncomfortable with his thoughts to have the need to block them out while simply walking around. I’d love to know how many of these obviously disturbed people become suicides.